Excellent Edmodo Writing

Well done to the 42 children who chose to complete the writing task Mr Kemp put on Edmodo last week - they had to write the opening paragraph to a spooky story.

Edmodo.com is a fantastic website which we feel will really help improve children's writing and we would appreciate it if you encourage your child to regularly log on to it. Here is a short presentation explaining our vision for using Edmodo at Parkfield.

Here are four examples of super writing that children have written on Edmodo. Can you see how they have used VCOP?

Crash! there was a truck halfway through my house with black windows and all the metal was dark black.Just then the creeky door opend and a man wearing dark black clothes climbed out... 
(Jack, Year 3)

There was a crash and a spookily sound in the nigtht. Nobody could hear it but me, in a cold room all by myself ALONE !!!!. My Mum and Dad they went out for a drink they could not come back because they were drunk and the taxi's and bus's were closed. OMG I said i had no where to run my Mum and Dad had locked my door so nobody could get in. I saw a creature slimy,green,alien with blood on itd mouth i said " It must be a vanpire " but no vampire's are not green,slimy things i fainted and layed unconcious. Finally when my mum and came back from the pub at 3:30 i was there blood dripping out of my mouth pale as a peach. They found a fact I WAS DEAD !!!!!
(Clare, Year 4)

It was one dark, stormy night and i was asleep in my bed upstairs... When i heard banging coming from the kitchen downstairs. So i went to wake my mum and dad but they wouldn't wake up. It was so scary and none off the lights were working so it was just pitch black. The banging got louder and louder, and i couldn't stand it no more i had to go down and see what it was for myself. So off i went down in the pitch black, with this banging coming closer and closer and louder and louder by the second. So i quietly headed through the kitchen door, when i saw a gang off teenagers, one half trying to break through t the window, and the other half trying to break through the door. But before i could run out and scream my mum and dad, they had saw me all off them, and they started screaming at me and breaking in more because they knew i was there. I screamed my mum and dad they wouldn't wake, So i ran back upstairs and screamed at them, shaked them but nothing worked. Then i relaised that there was blood coming from down my dads cheek, there was people shooting at them through the window... It was either i died or i ran out the front and hid where they would not find me ?! what would i do...
(Anna, Year 5)

"Amelia i'm going to work now and so is your dad so dont answer the door to anyone or answer the phone, phone me if you need me and get some food if you want.Bye" exclaimed Mum and shut the door with a bang behind her.She sat down on the sofa turned the TV on and her laptop and starting chatting to her friends. She heard it thunder outside and looked at the window to find a shadow flash in the window and Amelia jumped full of fear and fright. " Its only my imagination" chanted Amelia fearfully and then suddenly the TV flickered and a man in a black outfit with a hood over his face and a axe in his hand. She screamed with horror and reached for the remote with her hands shaking with fear. Then suddenly then phone rang - Amelia let it ring peering at it, petrified but suddenly, automatically she sprang for the phone and stuttered, "H..ello ? Is...Is anyone...the..re?" no one replied and she slammed the phone down in horror and to her surprise the door bell rang "WHO IS IT !" screamed Amelia petrified. She tip-toed into the dark and spooky halland saw a shadow standing by the door and then it flashed away.Amelia slammed the door shut, leaped onto the couch and got unded the cover, shaking with fear ! then got back out to find a dark man with a axe and blood dripping horribly down from his face, "AHHHHHHHHHHH!" .....
(Rhia, Year 6)

Comments

[Anna]

I got 3/3 on mine did everyone else